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You Don't Mess with the Zohan (2008)

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155 comments in total

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163 out of 297 people found the following comment useful :-
Hair Pollution, 28 May 2008

Author: southsider2000 from Canada

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

You know, sometimes I just don't understand what the heck is going through Adam Sandler's head. He's a funny guy with natural charisma and, I would guess, a reasonable level of intelligence. So why does he feel compelled to write and produce films of such appallingly low quality? It worked with his initial efforts, Billy Madison and Happy Gilmore. Those two films defied any sense of logical criticism. They were sloppy, yet contained a maniacal sense of anarchic glee. He seemed thrilled at what he was getting away with. Yet, since the release of those films over a decade ago, he has continued to crank out by-the-numbers mediocrity that lacks any feeling of comic discovery.

It is my unfortunate duty now to inform you that his latest, You Don't Mess With The Zohan, is by far his most wretchedly awful film to date. Sandler's character this time, a Mossad agent who dreams of being a hairdresser, would probably fill a lame Saturday Night Live skit, but stretched to over 100 minutes is akin to Chinese water torture.

Zohan isn't any normal secret agent; he's a walking caricature of crass Middle Eastern stereotypes and snickering vulgarity. With a Wham!-inspired haircut and a penchant for shtupping elderly women, he finds employment at a small salon run by the sweet, yet blank, Dalia (Emmanuelle Chriqui), a Palestinian woman with no patience for Zohan's sexism. As can be predicted, despite their antagonistic relationship, they soon are yearning to "make the bam-boom". Their insipid love story intermingles with a laugh-free subplot featuring Zohan's nemesis the Phantom (John Turturro) and a hapless Arab cab-driver (Rob Schneider, ladies and gentlemen...) ineptly planning murder attempts.

Now, racial stereotyping and crude humor can be used to great comic effect in the proper hands. The makers of Borat toed the line brilliantly, delivering great vulgar hilarity mixed with social commentary. You Don't Mess With The Zohan is not even in the same time zone, much less ballpark. The film is amazingly hostile and mean-spirited, mocking its targets with unfiltered scorn for the majority of the running time, yet tacking on a "we're all the same" message at the end. It's like the school-yard bully who beats the snot out of you all semester but wishes you a good summer at when vacation time rolls around. Why did no one involved in this debacle pull Sandler aside and gently suggest that this material was unfilmable? Also concerning is the amount of animal abuse presented for cheap laughs. There is a particularly soul-killing scene featuring Zohan and two friends playing hacky-sack with a cat. Now, a good writer would use this undeniably objectionable act as a springboard to a larger pay-off. That would redeem the bad taste and warrant the scene's inclusion. Not here however, where the only apparent joke is that a trio of grown men are kicking the stuffing out of a helpless animal.

What is almost fascinating about Zohan is how little interest the screen-writers have in their own story. New story lines are launched at random to replace the ones running out of gas. I couldn't believe that the introduction of an evil land-developer to the film occurred near the end of the second act. It would seem that writers' Sandler, Judd Apatow, and Robert Smigel knew that their material was limited and hoped that by padding it liberally, no one would notice. Hence, the heavy helping of crotch close-ups, homophobia, hummus jokes, and dry humping present. As well, the endless cameos come off as desperate and pointless, although it is amusing that Mariah Carey has finally found a fitting companion piece for Glitter.

To call You Don't Mess With The Zohan a misfire is a grand understatement. It's a dreary trudge through migraine-inducing territory that is all the more unforgivable considering the level of talent involved. There's an old adage that it takes true skill and artistry to create a truly horrific film, as hacks will only produce bland mediocrity. Well, Zohan is a colossal achievement, a film that will receive endless mentions on "Worst of 2008" lists, and the rants of legions of angry ticket-buyers. With that said though, Sandler may have inadvertently found a point of agreement for Israelis and Palestinians. I think that both sides would agree that You Don't Mess With The Zohan flat-out SUCKS!

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44 out of 64 people found the following comment useful :-
Turn Off Your Brain, 10 June 2008

Author: newfnshow616 from United States

I walked into the theater with my brain shut off. And if you enjoy Adam Sandler, you have to. If you go by typical standards, all of Adam Sandler's movies are absolute garbage. But yet people still love them, I am one of them.

I went into this looking to have fun watching a movie, and I did. Yes, it was ridiculous in every possible way, but it was pretty much exactly what I was paying to see, Adam Sandler's sense of humor running rampant with all of his friends holding down bit parts.

If you are looking for a high quality, well thought-out story with twists and turns and an ending that ties it all together and leaves you walking out of the theater satisfied, look elsewhere.

But if you aren't easily offended and are a fan of Adam Sandler's work, then you'll have fun with the silky smooth goodness that Zohan brings to the table.

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52 out of 83 people found the following comment useful :-
Uneven, but funny, 7 June 2008

Author: wolverinesforever from United States

Look folks, this is ADAM SANDLER we're talking about here. Yes, this is the same stuff that he was doing ten years ago with "The Waterboy." Yes, this is the same company that brought us "Happy Gilmore" and "Click." And yes, while I have aged a bit since I could appreciate the his silliness, there is still a part of me that enjoys the goofy fun that Adam Sandler likes to put on screen. I knew very well coming in to the 7:45 showing of "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" that this was going to be crazy. And sure enough, it was. But you know what, I liked it, my friend liked it, quite a few people in the audience liked it, it was a good time had.

Adam Sandler loves to put himself in ridiculous situations. In "Gilmore," he was a hockey nut with a hidden talent for golf. In "Mr. Deeds," he became a billionaire overnight. This guy has played football (twice), gone on fifty first dates, paused and sped up his life, and married Kevin James. Now, he's an Isreali counter-terrorist with a fetish for cutting hair. Oh, and he loves making sexual remarks as much as Borat does. Sound familiar? Thought it did.

So how does the humor compare to previous Sandler features? Well, it's unfocused. Part of the problem is that three writers with different mentalities are writing the script. The silliness comes from Sandler, the raunchy stuff comes from Apatow, and everything else comes from Smigel. Although I found myself laughing at quite a few parts (particularly when the Zohan was on the job as a soldier), there were also a lot of parts where I was thinking to myself "Come on. Another shot of the crotch?" (Or butt, or some other sexual reference) All of these various ingredients have been thrown in together, and the end result is, let's face it, uneven.

But though the movie may have lacked focus, I couldn't help but have fun with it. You see, unlike "Mr. Deeds" (which I found boring and lame), this film goes whole hog. Sandler and the cast surrounding him do almost everything in their power to make a joke out of something. These guys aren't sleepwalking through their roles, to the contrary, they're having a great time putting on a show. It's contagious. About halfway through the movie, I began to realize the reason I was having fun with the "Zohan" was because this movie essentially gives out an open invitation to enjoy the silliness that was being presented. By the end of the movie, Sandler had done the most outrageous acts I had seen him do since "Happy Gilmore." And frankly, I think I prefer Sandler when he just tries everything.

Fans of Sandler will most likely enjoy this one, non-fans should pass. For what it's worth, "You Don't Mess with the Zohan" is a good continuation of the act Sandler has put on for us for over a decade now. Worth a Saturday matinée.

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36 out of 53 people found the following comment useful :-
Among the bottom of the barrel., 8 June 2008

Author: spirit_of_truth2000 from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

"You Don't Mess With the Zohan" is the newest regurgitated $hitfest unleashed upon us by the brilliant minds of comedian Adam Sandler and director Dennis Dugan. The movie chronicles the absurd, zany story of Zohan Dvir, a ridiculously offensive special agent of an Isralei counter-terrorism organization known as the "Mossad". His extraordinarily stupid fake accent and personality that would insult the intelligence of an eleven year old give the writers, (Adam Sandler, Judd Apatow, and SNL writer Robert Smigel) the framework to create a movie that is incomprehensibly bad.

The movie begins with Zohan in his home country doing stupid $hit, which is what he does pretty much for the entire movie. As the movie scrapes along, you're pondering what the hell "Zohan" is even supposed to be. "How does he have super powers?" "Is he a superhero?" "Why the hell am I watching this?" "Why does Adam Sandler always have to play the role of a super savvy cool-guy when the only reason anyone really liked "Happy Gilmore", "Billy Madison", "Bulletproof", "The Wedding Singer", "Big Daddy", "Little Nicky", or "Mr. Deeds" is because of his supporting cast?" "Why can't Adam Sandler play a pedophile addicted to methamphetamines who is married to a retarded homosexual and spends his free time wiping his ass with an American Flag?" Veiled behind the facade of a retarded accent, a stupid haircut, and a constant beating of dick jokes, narrow minded cultural references, and pretty much anything else that would annoy anyone with a shred of dignity, Zohan expresses aspirations of becoming a hair stylist {in which he will make people s' hair "silky smooth"(which he repeats at least SEVEN times before the movie ends and you stop wishing to stick your head in an oven for watching this hideous abomination), which is another stupid idiosyncrasy of every single Adam Sandler movie in the past nine years, which is including a "subtle" reference to one of his older movies, which the writers apparently think is cute}. After a literal five minute long homosexual joke, he moves to America.

Not long after his arrival,(in,...you guessed it... NEW YORK CITY!!!, where every single movie ever made takes place) he finally achieves his goal of becoming a hairstylist.

Nearly an hour into the movie, a bit of plot is finally revealed (the time between had to be used as filler for Adam Sandler tea bagging at least twenty different characters and further humiliating himself into oblivion). Zohans' arch enemy, Palestinian terrorist leader Phantom (John Turturro), reveals himself. Apparently, he is also a superhero like Zohan. There are several scenes illogically strewn together depicting Zohan doing some more stupid $hit and further cementing this movie as being the most racist mainstream movie ever made that the American public completely ignores because they're too dense to be able to comprehend anything that isn't expressed explicitly. When there's about a half hour left in the movie (I'm probably not correct on the time frame because I was trying my hardest not to pay attention to the movie for fear that the movie would have pulled me into the depths of insanity, so try to bare with it), Zohan enlists the help of socialite millionaires to aid him in his battle against Phantom. Among these people is Michael Buffer, the famous boxing announcer. I'm still in awe of the throngs of people who were dragged screaming into this fiasco. But I'm still frustrated because of the relentless cameos. Seriously, it is not necessary in any movie.

I know that I'm skipping around the plot a bit, but I am trying not to think too much about this movie.

At the end of the movie, the Palestinians led by Phantom and the Israelis led by Zohan have an ultra explosion-filled showdown in the streets of New York as the result of some idiotic subplot regarding Rob Schneiders'affinity for his goat (because every single person who lives in the middle east who isn't a terrorist is a goat farmer), some other retarded subplot, and some other retarded subplot. The movie predictably ends with each group realizing their differences and learning to love each other. There. I spoiled the entire movie for you because it really doesn't matter.

In the midst of all of the racism, sexism, xenophobia, and pretty much every other idiotic antisocial American sentiment that entrenched this travesty of a film, there is one notion for me that resides over all others. It is the fact that the creators of this movie actually thought that they were making a good movie. To me that is mind boggling.

Overall, I give this movie a 2 out of 10 because there were a total of three times when I chuckled at the movie. It's a pretty bad ratio because the movie has to have the record of most attempts at trying to make its audience laugh. However, it was agonizing to watch, so I'll give it a 1 out of spite.

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69 out of 121 people found the following comment useful :-
Not as bad as everyone says., 8 June 2008

Author: Michael M. from United States

While I've never been a -huge- fan of Adam Sandler's films, I have watched them and laughed throughout most of them. I'm the type of guy who enjoys some slapstick, some raunchy humor, and a lot of zanyness.

I went into Zohan not expecting anything but pure frivolous humor. You don't go into films like this with any expectations, and I think that's where a lot of the reviewers prior to myself went wrong. They went in expecting to see an evolution of Sandler's humor, and while I would say that Zohan raised the bar a tad, it's still Adam Sandler. Yes, it's going to have a corny ending, a lot of physical humor, and a healthy dose of humor aimed at the more intelligent in the crowd as well.

Overall, I couldn't stop giggling, laughing, and chuckling throughout most of the film. After a long streak of not seeing any humor films, I thought it was the perfect thing to bring me back to comedies. The last few years, especially, have been incredibly lackluster in regards to comedies (if that's what evolution of the genre is, count me out, by the way), and I found Zohan refreshing.

I think another thing a lot of the other reviewers missed, is that the film in no way expected to take itself seriously. The only serious moments were cheesy, predictable, and ultimately corny, which is irony in itself and only contributed to my bemused chuckling. Yes, a lot of the humor bordered on racial stereotyping, there were a lot of over-the-top accents and allusions to the Middle East, so if you're the type to get touchy about that, feel free to skip. I found it to be a rather hilarious joke on the seriousness that everybody applies to the stereotyping. The stereotyping is, actually, rather fair and towards the end even shows plenty of "good stereotyping" (as accurate as stereotyping ever is, which is to say, rarely).

Really, the film laughs at itself. Are there some bum moments? Certainly, but it seems that's been the case for almost every film I've seen in the last few years, but it was grand seeing the cast and crew not try to make this the 'next great comedy' and just have a buttload of fun.

And if the cast and crew are laughing at themselves (which you can clearly feel through the screen), you can't help but laugh with them.

If you want to spend an hour or two snickering and have an open mind, give Zohan a shot. Don't expect an evolution of comedy. Don't expect the bar to be raised, because that's not what this film was trying to do. It was trying to be ridiculous and make people utter that ever so fantastic groaning-giggle followed by the heart chuckle.

Don't let the other critics fool you, they've probably forgotten the meaning of the word 'satire'.

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139 out of 263 people found the following comment useful :-
Sandler Sandler Sandler, 23 May 2008

Author: KDeRuy from United States

While it has some funny moments. It has a lot less.

It's one of those movies that would have been great in 1998. But falls short in 2008. Its just the same gimmick that has been done by 'Happy Madison Productions'.

Reminds me of: Chuck and Larry, Strange Wilderness, The Benchwarmers, Dickie Roberts, 50 first dates, Etc.

It's just well.....for lack of a better word. Stupid. It might have you grabbing your sides in 98', but when you watch it, its somewhat like, "OK, let me guess, Rob Schneider is going to pop up and say something dumb with a 'pause for laughter' moment?" Yup.

Is Sandler going to do a stupid voice the whole movie and end on a 'touching theme'?. Yup.

Acting is good, I will give it that. However, if you have seen any Adam Sandler movie, then you won't be surprised with his acting choices. Same choices, different accent.

Nothing against Sandler, his movies were great.......in 98'

I'd wait for DVD,...if that.

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26 out of 42 people found the following comment useful :-
Unfunny and Too Long, 8 June 2008

Author: kris_michael from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

Let me just say, I am a big Adam Sandler fan. I love and find most of his movies funny. This one was not. The jokes were lame, and way too crude for a pg-13 rating. I just kept thinking my daughter was watching this two seats away, and I felt uncomfortable with the many reverences to sex. It lasted two hours but didn't have two hours of comedy material. It felt preachy about tried to teach tolerance when it came to people from the middle east but came off unbelievably stupid. I find it strange how great comedy writers like Adam Sandler and Judd Apatow could produce such a piece of crap! I wouldn't waste your time on this one. Or wait till it hits H.B.O.

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54 out of 98 people found the following comment useful :-
I haven't laughed this hard in quite a long time...., 9 June 2008

Author: Troy (Troy2Slick) from Toronto, Ontario

The critics are out in full force and tearing this movie a new one. I can understand some of the criticism, it's a brainless comedy chop full of cliché jokes, stereotypes, crude toilet humor, so it's to be expected that it's going to receive a lot of negativity.

With that said, that's exactly why I loved this movie so much. I'm a movie buff, have over 2,000 DVDs in my collection. I love virtually every movie genre there is. So, I knew full well what I was getting myself into before I paid my ten dollars and a Coke the size of Zohan's crotch.

What I loved about this movie so much, was that the jokes never stopped coming. I've watched all of Sandlers movies, many of them have long breaks of nothing much to get in stitches about. Sandler is the type of actor that I look to for this sort of humor. When you're having a bad day and want to watch a brainless, popcorn flick that will most likely have you cracking up virtually the entire movie, then I suggest you see this movie as soon as possible.

This is another reason why I love Sandler so much. He's not afraid to push the envelope to garner a laugh. He knows he's capable of doing a more serious role and have success. I know how good he was in Punch-Drunk Love and Reign Over Me, but he's very versatile and I can't complain about an actor with that quality.

I gave this a 7 out of 10, I'm not afraid to admit that I liked the Zohan.., and I certainly wouldn't mess with him!

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22 out of 37 people found the following comment useful :-
Don't watch this if you want to laugh, 8 June 2008

Author: WeRTonightsEntertainment from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

The story line was crappy as hell. I felt like falling asleep. The only 3 times you saw the bad guy, he wasn't acting suspicious. It really made me reconsider going to see another Adam Sandler movie. Zohan is basically another continuation of his character in "Click." Except with more raunchy behavior. No one really wants to watch (or listen to for that matter)Zohan do a 75 year old lady. Some of the scenes were put in order that didn't make sense and many of the scenes were not even needed. I honestly don't think I laughed once. There is no other way to describe You Don't Mess With The Zohan than just another movie with humor like Epic Movie. No one could drag me to go see it again.

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10 out of 14 people found the following comment useful :-
Not PG-13!!!!!!!!, 11 June 2008

Author: B M from United States

*** This comment may contain spoilers ***

This movie had one or two funny parts but that's it. Most of the laughter was uncomfortable laughter. It was insulting to so many different groups of people that I can't believe it was even made. It is not acceptable for kids younger than 17. There are too many sexual jokes and innuendos and unacceptable sexual situations. It makes Isreali men look like they want to hump every woman they meet and disco every where they go. The first time in the movie it was a little funny but after it was in every scene, it became tedious.

Most kids wouldn't enjoy the movie or think it was funny anyway. They just wouldn't understand most of the jokes. For example the inept Palestinians keep calling the Hezbollah hot-line and get a recording with options such as "to order terrorist supplies press", etc. Most kids don't really understand or appreciate the humor in this. My friend brought her 13 and 10 year-old and had to leave the movie.

The only redeemable parts were when the Palestinians and Isrealis come together in the end but it wasn't enough to save the movie. My husband thought it inappropriate to be joking about terrorism at all. We demanded and got our money back.

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