Dwight Schrute:
What is the ratio of Stanley Nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley:
The same as Leprechauns to Unicorns.
Dwight Schrute:
I'm going to be your new boss!
[
chuckles]
Dwight Schrute:
It is my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now, check-out time is never.
Jim Halpert:
Does my room have cable?
Dwight Schrute:
No. And the sheets are made of fire.
Jim Halpert:
Can I change rooms?
Dwight Schrute:
Sorry, we're all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Jim Halpert:
Can I have a late checkout?
Dwight Schrute:
I'll have to talk to the manager.
Jim Halpert:
You're not the manager? Even in your own fantasy?
Dwight Schrute:
I'm the owner. The co-owner. With Satan!
Jim Halpert:
Okay. Just so I understand it: in your wildest fantasy, you are in Hell, and you are co-running a bed-and-breakfast with the Devil.
Dwight Schrute:
Yeah, but I haven't told you my salary yet.
Jim Halpert:
Go.
Dwight Schrute:
Eighty *thousand* dollars a year.
Michael Scott:
Dwight, why is my wall painted black?
Dwight Schrute:
To intimidate my subordinates.
Michael Scott:
Dwight, why is my wall painted black?
Dwight Schrute:
To intimidate my subordinantes.
Pam Beesly:
So you would be the Regional Manager and the Assistant Regional Manager, Andy is your number two, I would be the secret Assistant Regional Manager.
Dwight Schrute:
Mmm, let's call it secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.
Pam Beesly:
Mm-hmm.
Dwight Schrute:
Do you accept?
Pam Beesly:
Absolutely I do.
[
During a talking heads segment about Jan's Boob job]
Meredith Palmer:
I would never do that. Waste of money. In my experience, guys are way more attracted to the back of you than to the front.
Kevin Malone:
I love fake boobs. Often times you find them on strippers.
Creed Bratton:
I find it offensive. Au naturelle, baby. That's how I like them. Swing low, sweet chariots.
Dwight Schrute:
Once I'm officially Regional Manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.
Pam Beesley:
I'm sorry... what was the question?
Jan Levinson-Gould:
[
being fired] So long, assholes.
Related Links